I’ve always been quick to latch on to what feels good in a moment.
Quick to run head first into deep waters.
I found you on the edge of a cliff ready to leave and before long I found myself grasping for air sinking deep into unknown waters. I can’t feel the sand beneath me. You suffocate me and make me unsteady.
I’ve always been addicted to pain, falling in and out of love.
Choking on despair.
Stillwaters scare me.
I am petrified and yet I jump into waters I cannot swim.
Meet me where my feet hit the ground and love is eternal. Follow me into the crossroads of life and death where we stand in stillness. Stay with me even if for a little while.
I will mourn you for a lifetime.
Carry flowers to the grave of what we could have been and should have been.
I find myself missing you in odd places in the most mundane moments when I'm sitting on the train, or walking through a tunnel. It's in the stillness that I crave you that I want you; that a part of me feels ripped inside of me. A deep unsettling feeling that you took a part of me and now you carry me with you.
Now I sit in silence and I still see you, hear you, and feel you with me. You are nothing but a ghost now that haunts me and reminds me of a love that is no longer with me. I fell steadfast in your arms and now I crave nothing but you in the lonely hours I remember us.
Yet my will to live outweighs my want for you.
But I still crave you.
I still want you in the lonely hour.
With Love Blue
