This concludes my dating adventures using hinge. In conclusion, I learned a lot about myself. The boundaries I set and the relationship with myself. Everyone has an opinion when you are dating people your family and friends, even people on Medium. I was open to everyone's comments and concerns at times. I lived in the fast lane for a second and found that I was not the type of person who could do a poly relationship. I definitely can not keep up with going out every other night. I have learned balance and the importance of taking things slow.
I pulled in and attracted many people who were emotionally unavailable or controlling at times but I learned that rooted from the relationships that have been a pattern in my life. The neglect that I felt early on in my relationship with my parents. We often mimic the same relationship dynamics when we are older and if we do not catch them and break the cycle we often times run into the same conclusions.
Above all else, I would do it again. I understand and know now that people come into our life during different seasons to reveal truths about us. I have learned that people are reflections and mirrors.
I can look back at the people that I have dated and I can truly see and understand that we as humans can only learn through experience. We can read all the books about love, on dating but the real work is through experiences and opening yourself up. We must allow ourselves the grace and the space to be open to people. To acknowledge when someone is not good for us, and to stand firm on our boundaries.
I can acknowledge that I often internalize rejection instead of recognizing that we all experience rejection in some sort of capacity. That rejection is indeed redirection. I see the people that I dated in December as lessons. Lessons on how my self-worth should never be sought outside of me but a recognition that I am not everyone is for me.
I also came to terms with my sexuality at this time as I recognized and accept my sexuality.
I see my boundaries and I know now that some people come into our lives to remind us of parts of ourselves that we have forgotten that are very much alive.
During this time I shared many of my dating stories with family and friends and somehow I have also cultivated friendships by sharing these stories. It brought my friendships closer together and people who were once far and distant close to me again.
If I could I would do it all again. I would like to thank the people I dated in the past two months. Thank you to those people who came and left. Thank you for being a part of my story and my lessons.
I feel like I have stepped back into my power and I have a greater understanding of myself than ever before. I know what I want and that I am still figuring it out as I go. I want to move forward honoring the parts of myself that carry so much self-doubt because I know I am worthy of joy and beautiful connections.
I will never give up on love. I operate from a place of love because that's what I want to see in the world, that is my gravity that brings me back down to earth. It's my willingness to live and understand that I am the center of heart space. The most important relationship I will have in this life is the relationship with myself so today I offer myself grace.
